Doubting Thomas - everyone's heard of Doubting Thomas. Even people who have never read the Bible know about DT, and speak of him, usually negatively - "Don't be such a Doubting Thomas!" scolds some person who, if you asked her, "What is an Apostle?" would just stare at you blankly. And it wasn't really our Lord he was doubting, he was doubting the report of the disciples. Can you blame him? Peter, a couple of days before, had said: "Jesus? Never heard of him, don't know who you are talking about." Didn't say that once, said that three times. One of the disciples, now dead by suicide, decided that giving his dear friend the kiss of peace ought to be the tip-off for underworld thugs to seize Jesus. One of the Lord's followers, Mary Magdalene, had only recently been possessed by demons. This group, these people, are now saying: "We've seen Jesus, he is not dead anymore, he got up out of the grave and walked away ... and he has been appearing to us," and Thomas, well Thomas just isn't sure, Thomas has his doubts, he questions their testimony. Thomas says "Hmmm, you know, I think I'd feel better about all of this if I saw it for myself." And for twenty centuries we've called him Doubting Thomas as though doubt were his first name. It really is extraordinarily unfair. I guess we have forgotten how brave he was, how courageous he was; maybe we have overlooked how much he loved his friend Jesus, and to what lengths he was willing to go for him - he was willing to die for him, with him. Much earlier, when Jesus had told them that Lazarus had died, and announced his intention to go to Lazarus's tomb, he said "Lazarus is dead ... but let us go to him." Thomas briefly misunderstands and assumes Jesus intends to join Lazarus in death, and Thomas immediately says: "Let us go up and die with Jesus." Peter (Peter whom we all admire) Peter is going to deny three times he ever met Jesus in order to save his own hide and Thomas, Doubting Thomas, the man who has been made fun of for two millennia, says, "if Jesus is headed toward his death let us go along go with him, to be there with him, to die with him." This Thomas, this wonderful, brave, devoted Thomas just doesn't believe Peter or Mary Magdalene or the rest of them about the Resurrection, doesn't believe it for one minute, because it depends solely, totally, exclusively on believing other people's reports. Thomas needs a personal experience of Jesus in order to believe, and Jesus knows that - it will not be good enough for Thomas to have the word of others in order to believe. Our Lord seems to hope that many people will believe without seeing, will believe because of what others say, and he accounts them blessed because of their ready faith in things that they have not witnessed. But Jesus does not write off or discount those who do not come by their faith and conviction so easily, so smoothly. Once he does believe, Thomas shoots past all of the rest of them with the depth and breadth of his belief, as he cries out: "My Lord and My God!" Now some people are calling Jesus "Lord", some "Master", quite a few call him "Rabbi", not a whole lot of people at this time are going around calling him "God" - the Church will take a couple of hundred years to catch up with the full sweep of Thomas's confession of faith. At this time in history it is really only Thomas who maintains that Jesus is not just "Son of God", not just the "Lamb of God" or the Beloved of God, but that he too, is God. Thomas is way out in front on this one - Doubting Thomas of all people. This is no doubter, in the sense of a scoffer, a cynic, a skeptic - this man is intelligent, faithful, devoted, and courageous. So courageous that when everyone around him is shouting: "He is risen; he is risen", Thomas can say: "I don't necessarily believe that, simply because you are all saying it with such conviction and fervor." Now that is a very brave thing to say. Thomas steadily, evenly, maintains: "I need to experience this myself, for myself, in order to believe, I cannot believe simply on your say-so." I can't think of any apostle, disciple, follower of Jesus that I identify more with or want to identify more with. I would be very grateful if I could have Thomas's courage, Thomas's faith, his steadfastness and integrity. In that first flush of the news of the Resurrection, the atmosphere must have been electrifying - people on fire with the absolute certainty of victory, the exultation of being fully vindicated in one's belief, proven to have been correct all along. There must have been enormous pressure to get swept up in that, to go along, to conform regardless of any interior misgiving, to quietly fake it if need be. Thomas says: "I am not sure I agree with all of you, at this point I don't myself yet believe, I need more time, I need to consider this more, I'll need more evidence to be convinced, since I am not yet convinced despite your exhilaration." And then he outlines what he would need to believe - and it's not wild, off-the-wall stuff, it is fairly moderate, reasonable - he wants to encounter Jesus himself, and see the real wounds of a real crucifixion, and he wants to touch, because he is not sure this is a real body, a real person. To be sure of that reality, he would have to touch, to make contact, in order to believe. Graciously enough, our Lord lets him do that. Jesus, appearing in his Resurrection body says to Doubting Thomas: "Here, put your fingers in this wound, see that it is real, that I am real, see for yourself - if this is what you need to believe, this is what I will give you - I myself will offer what it is that you need to deal with your doubts." And Thomas starts to stretch forth his hand, and for me, at that moment, all of the rest of the disciples fade into the background. All I can see are these two, crystal clear, Thomas and Jesus, standing there, together for this moment of touching, this experiencing of each other directly, one-on-one, and Thomas announcing: "My Lord ... My God." Thomas is not the patron saint of doubters, hero to the uncommitted. Thomas is a man of immense honor and valor, of courageous consistency and personal self-awareness, who simply will not - cannot - rely on hear-say, or base his faith on second-hand reports no matter how compelling. This man is the patron saint of those who realize and admit: "I need to experience Christ in my own life, for myself, under conditions that I can handle, that are real and compelling for me. Then I can believe." And regardless of what anyone else says, Jesus says ... "OK, if that is what you need, that is what you get, I will offer you the full, direct, intimate encounter that you require, I will let you experience me with the immediacy that you need to in order to believe. Blessed are those who don't need so much, they will have an easier time of it, faith and belief will not be such a struggle for them, but for you and those like you who need more in order to believe, I myself will supply whatever it is that you need." I just love Thomas, as you can probably tell. I have met people who have no doubts, no questions, no problems. I admire them, and give thanks for them. But like Thomas, I need more, I need personal, compelling experience, I need a personal encounter with the reality of Jesus. And good thing for me, for others like me, for Thomas that we can all count on Jesus approaching us, time and again, throughout our lives saying - "I know you, I know your type; you need more, you always have. Well then, here it is. Do not be faithless, but believing." That is my Lord. That is my God.